I Am A Girl, Not The Flesh

Preface

(1st published on 1 April 2019. Last edit on 1 July 2020)

[The story has been revised completely and published as E-Book. The book is available at Amazon/Kindle with serial B0884HNKB2. PDF version is also available and sold on request. The book has been thoroughly edited, chapters added, and designed and decorated by poems by Anup Mukherjee. It also contains Sanskrit Shlokas with their meaning in English. For the Kindle version log in to Amazon and search for B0884HNKB2. For PDF version send a mail to anup1857@live.com ]

Being brought in a family of ten persons, my life has been largely influenced by my sisters in all respect. They have been my guide, my friend in my life. Due to closeness with the sisters, I developed natural respect for the girls.

Largely the men had been publicly held to be the aggressor and tormentor of girls, and that has been true also in this society. However, I, through my experiences, find that girls are also responsible and in some cases equally aggressive, against girls! It is not only the stereotype mother-in-law versus daughter-in-law. The modes are multidimensional and the causes are also multidimensional. I have found mothers hating their daughters in their quest for a son. Wives or mothers hating girls working in the offices of their husband or son, for whatever reason it may be.  There is the victimization of men and women in the feudal mindset of people, where there is the race to prove "I am stronger, I am the owner of you, you are my servant, serve me". It is not denying that girls are in majority the victims, the silent victims. The aggressors can be men or women both. And in my life, I have been witness to all sorts of frictions. Whatever might be the basic reason, inferiority complex or alternatively, in many cases, the insecurity coupled with the superiority complex.

Some incidents in life and experiences of my colleagues, relatives and friends had motivated me to write this series, presented as the events in the life of a lady who had already retired but still fighting with the odds of discrimination because she is a lady.

I Am A Girl, Not The Flesh

Chapter 1

A calm and quiet evening has set in, I finished my evening tea and sat with a newly purchased novel with a thermos full of warm water. I was supposed to read the novel sipping the warm water for the next hour. The telephone rang, I picked up the unknown number call. The conversation made me start writing this article; so, first the conversation.

Me: Hello.

Caller: Hello, are you, Miss. Gita Roy?

Me: Yes, tell me, who are you?

Caller: Miss Roy, I am Sumita Khanna, wife of Rakesh Khanna, I think you know him well.

Me:Yes Mrs. Khanna, I know Mr. Khanna as we have worked together many years, how is he? Is everything all right?

Sumita: Mrs. Roy, everything is fine here, I called you to ask something, please do not take it in any bad sense.

Me (a bit surprised): Tell me, Mrs. Khanna, what it is?

Sumita: Miss Roy, please tell me what relations you have with Mr. Khanna?

Me:(Shocked and surprised): What do you mean Mrs. Khanna?

Sumita: Nothing special, just want to know what type of relations you have with my husband as I find you are texting him good morning messages very often and both of you are also going out together sometimes though he has retired quite long.

Me: See Mrs. Khanna, we had worked together in the same office for more than 15 years and both of us had been office-bearers of the association for more than ten years now. Mr. Khanna did retire in 2011 and I also retired in 2013. Now it is 2016 and you are asking such ridiculous question? May I know the reasons?

Sumita: Look, Miss Roy, you are getting agitated but I am asking a simple question. I have seen you messaging him very often on WhatsApp wishing him good morning and both of you are still meeting, making appointments on WhatsApp whereas both have retired, so it is a genuine question about why you people are in touch even after retirement?

Me: Mrs. Khanna, I am surprised at your asking me such a question. Why you do not ask the question to your husband?

Sumita: Miss Roy, please do not get angry. If I ask Mr. Khanna he will get very angry and create disturbance in the house for many days but I am disturbed for some days thinking about you. Please tell me the truth.

Me: See Mrs. Khanna, your husband, and I are office bearers of the promotee association and have been fighting the case against the government. Since we had to be present before the court as also attend meetings and discussions with officials as also advocates, we had been doing it for more than seven years now. The case was closed just last month when the judgment came in our favor and not only your husband and myself, at least 200 members of the association held the get-together. It would have been better if you had discussed these matters with your husband instead of insulting me like this.

Sumita: No no Miss Roy, I am not insulting you, I am just asking you and want to satisfy myself.

Me: Mrs. Khanna, so far I remember, you were very sick around one year ago and he did not attend court cases on some days spreading around four-five months to take your care, to do your nursing!

Sumita: Yes, I was sick and he did not go anywhere in those days and took my care. Our children are all out of the city staying far away and he was taking care. But why you are saying this? He is my husband and what is special if he was looking after me?

Me: That is the point, Mrs. Khanna, he was looking after you as it was his duty, but you are filled with suspicion and doubt on him and calling me just imagining problems at your end. I do not know why you are suffering from this inferiority complex, but it will be better for you to discuss this thing within your home and not call me again on this issue. I am happy the way I am, and if you disturb me like this, I will take action against you.

Sumita: Please Miss Roy, do not get so angry. I did not say anything insulting to you! I just wanted to know the relationship. I am not creating any problem.

I disconnected the phone as it was going to be useless to speak to this lady. She was having problem because her husband for more than three decades was talking to a retired lady. What if he had been talking to a male colleague? Well, that might not have been a problem, even if he was spending the evenings in pubs!

After the conversation, I lost interest in the novel in my hand. My mind took me back by 50 years when I was starting my career. This was not the first time I had to encounter such persons. There had been numerous occasions in my life wherein I had just to listen quietly because I am a girl, more so an unmarried girl all through my life. Have seen men taking me for granted as 'a flesh and body' only. Have seen girls feeling superior to me only because they were married. Still, they were afraid and suffered from lack of sense of security and confidence. They were afraid as if I was there to steal their husband, and in some cases, their sons.  For them, as if, I was 'just hungry for male flesh' because, I, being an unmarried girl, was just a female flesh, not a normal human being.

Chapter 2

The Man In the Bank

It was an internship in a branch of a bank with around 15 staff. I was enjoying the status of being the baby of the branch, with almost the entire staff being over 45 years. The working atmosphere was very cordial and the star attraction of the branch was the second officer, a man past his 50 who was a know-all person. He met an accident one day on his two-wheeler. He had his right leg under plaster and was forced to go on leave for a couple of weeks. The manager, also a man past 50 used to call him once a day asking about health and also for any information which was required. In the second week of his absence, a lady officer who was looking for some information called the gentleman (on the landline as the mobile phones were not there). The phone was picked by his wife. The lady officer asked a very normal question about whether she can speak to the gentleman. She had to satisfy the wife that it was an official need to speak to him. After the conversation, the lady officer was under discomfort but did not say much except that there was some problem.

The next day morning, the gentleman came to the bank in a wheelchair assisted by his brother. After the exchange of pleasantries and having tea with the staff, he softly requested that lady staffers should avoid calling him as on hearing a female voice his wife creates an unbearable ruckus. He said that he had been bearing this for 20 years and it was beyond rectification. He expressed his regret to the lady officer saying he was helpless.

I wonder whether the woman, the wife really recognized herself as a lady, as a partner in the life of her husband or just a female flesh, viewing all females only as flesh as she was, feeling insecure of all females around her husband. I did not know whether the couple had any daughter. If yes, then I really felt concerned about whether the mother had allowed the father to caress, love, and play with the daughter as a father is expected to, or viewed the daughter also just like flesh, and did not allow the father to touch daughter!! Whether as a mother she would have allowed her daughters, if any, to get closer to their father!! I never came to know, nor wished to know.

And this was only one of the many cases.

Chapter 3

The Xenophobic Man

My first regular employment itself was shocking for me, more so because I never imagined the offices being like that. I carried the effect for a large part of my life.

This company with 150 employees when it recruited me as the receptionist in the office. The office was in a neighborhood colony having around 20 employees with the rest on other premises which I never visited.  With the top administrative bosses in the office and local directors coming later in the day after visiting other offices and showrooms every day which were the operating units.  After the joining, the couple of days were uneventful with existing girls explaining to me the process of call management, introduction with the names of important connections across the different offices, and some short notes on the type of communication mostly needed in the office. The girls in the office appeared to be a bit cautious about the administrative manager but none told me anything. 

After some days on the job, he called me and handed me over papers to be entered in specific formats on my computer. I started to do the job as required. Within two hours, he was on my table and wanted to stand at my back to see what I was doing on the computer, but could not do so as there was no space. His body language was irritating. The next day, I found my table and chair moved a bit forward. As I was doing the data entry, he came and stood at my back. Within seconds, he put both his hand on the backrest and I could feel that his eyes were traveling from the screen to my shoulder, trying to peep inside my clothes. It was frustrating, irritating, humiliating. Such persons were not very rare in city buses, but unexpected for me in the office.

I had just completed my first week and did not have the courage to protest or say anything. I did not have space to push my chair on the other side. He left after spending around ten minutes in that position, primarily directing me how to handle the computer and what all I needed to learn from him in computer operation and communication. That position of instruction became a daily routine, from once a day to twice a day, from 10 minutes to 30 minutes in a day.

He was becoming more and more aggressive with every passing day. He also started calling me few minutes before the day end to his cabin and ask about the data processing, calls and messages and other things, only to ensure that I be the last one of the staff to leave the office. Initially, he started offering me coffee in the office itself. Then offered me to take to evening coffee out of the office and even dinner. I had the coffee in the office prepared by maids before they left but refused any restaurant visits for evening coffee and dinner.

As the third week started, he exceeded my patience and the social limits of behavior. One day, while he was standing on my back, I could feel his hot breathing on my head, and I left my chair in an electric reaction. I thought he was going to kiss me, and possibly, he was trying to do that.

I got up and went upstairs with the excuse of going to the toilet. That day, I approached the HR manager and told him the entire episode of a few days. The HR manager, who was a quite reasonable person, at least visibly, asked me what I wanted to do. I told him that I have not yet completed one month and this person is an old hand so the company will certainly vouch for him and I might well lose my job, he replied in affirmative. I requested him to whatever was possible for him to enable me to remain in the job as without that I may go hungry. 

He said that he would try and told me to expect results also because the administrative manager was not a local person but an outsider. In the evening, I saw the HR manager going into the cabin of the local Director and then both calling the administrative manager. After that, the administrative manager stopped calling me to his cabin in the evening. But he continued coming to me, stand near me and as if luring me every time. His body language was such that I wanted to slap him.

Fortunately, I got another job in just five weeks and did not think twice. That was my formal introduction to the harassment because I am a girl, as if not a human being.

During that short time, I could recognize very well the risks which I run for being a female in a male-dominated world. However, as the life unfold, I realized that probably it was very much routine for the people to look at females only as female, not as equal colleagues, nor as partners in the growth of office and organization.

Just as female, nothing more, just the flesh. But the days just waiting for me to open newer storehouses of experiences. 

Chapter 4

The Second Job

As a commerce graduate, I was looking for jobs in any company, small or big, and got the second job in one in a not so big place. I was expectant of better treatment as I came to know that my boss would be a lady. But it was not to be and proved to be a greater shock due to building up of an expectation.

The office in-charge was a big, fat lady, the accountant, and there were three assistants to her, I became the fourth. The three assistants were all boys in their twenties, while the accountant was in her late forties. The assistants said that they were a bit surprised as the lady had recruited a girl as she had humiliated the previous girl employees and forced them to leave.

All the boys were very well behaved. But the lady was one of a piece.

She had the experience but was not sound in principles of accounts. Being an old-timer, she had developed the idea that all those who were reading and qualifying accounts were supposed to be her slaves, and that was her behavior to others, to me also. Within two days of joining, she started telling me that I will not be of any use and will fail in my career. According to her, I did not know anything about the accounts. I was recruited in an interview conducted by the Auditor of the company and she was always blaming the auditor as to how he recruited me! At times, she would say that the auditor was after recruiting young girls and spoil the office. Though the auditor did not come to the office except once during my stay in that office. He had nothing to do with me.

The lady was very offensive from the word go, shouting on each and every small deviation. On some bigger mistakes, she would behave as if she was going to hit me physically. The day she did not find any mistake in my work, she would start a personal attack, on my being of a different language, on my clothes, on my food habits, anything she could think of!

She was angry that I had just over the teen and it was unthinkable for her for a young girl to be around her. Then she found another way of harassment, asking me to stay late in the office when all would leave. 

On one day, which was the weekend, being a half-day, the office was supposed to close at 2pm. She abused me to her full satisfaction and then asked me to complete not only my job but some other jobs also, adding that if I left the office before 7 pm, she will break my legs. She was almost going to hit me on that day before leaving. Though I completed my work, and it was past 7pm, I did not carry my keys but handed over the same to the guard and informed him that I would not be coming anymore. The guard expressed his sadness, said that the lady would not allow anybody to stay in office, and none knew the reason.

At that time, he told me that the lady had lost her family also due to her behavior and her children, husband, siblings, everyone had left her. None knew why she was so offensive, but I was a rather fifth or sixth girl who was forced by her to leave the job mainly for being girls!

And I remained unemployed for quite sometime after that. What was my fault? Nothing. I was a plain victim of the feudal mindset or the illogical sense of competition from that lady. I was a victim of the exploitative mindset, but of a woman!

Chapter 5

The Solicitor's Wife

After recovering from the shock, I joined a course in the law and after a couple of years therein, got the much-needed job in a law firm in the neighborhood.  One of my teachers liked my seriousness and referred me to a senior advocate who was working in the High Court. He had four juniors. The senior interviewed me and recruited me as an assistant. Since my residence was not quite far from his, he asked me whether I can start and finish late, starting around noon and finishing at 8 pm. I agreed as it would have given me time for self-studies in the mornings. 

It was a quite busy office where many were going to court, with senior spending almost the entire day in the courts. There were quite a few advocates in the office working for some years. He used to come to the office by 5 pm and needed one assistant to work with him in preparation for briefs and I was chosen for the job as the previous assistant had moved away. Other advocates, and also clients also used to come to the office in the evening.

Other advocates used to leave any time between 5pm to 7 pm depending on their work, but at times clients used to be in the office till 8 pm, though the frequency was not very high. I used to leave the office between 7:30 pm to 8 pm.

All office staff used to leave the office by 6 pm and after that time I used to be the only girl in the office many times the only staff even. The atmosphere in the office was very good, and there was no discrimination among the staff. The senior Lawyer was a paternal figure.

I did not realize that a problem was brewing in the office, and in my life also. The office was on the ground floor of the building where the first and second floors were the residences. When the boss returned from courts or clients, he would come to the office and generally did not go upstairs to the residential part. Other lawyers and office staff were always there in the office and he would take the reports from all. Every day, he would sit with other lawyers whomsoever was in office and after around two months of the job, I became an essential part of all such meetings. It was my job to note each and everything, prepare minutes and take up with all concerned persons all follow-ups as directed, and submit reports which they had to submit to the boss. I was also given the authority to manage the non-professional staff according to the directions in the meeting. The first time I felt odd when one day when no lawyer was in office and I was answering some personal call on the mobile outside the office, the lady of the house, the wife of the senior asked me why I had chosen to stay in office till 8 pm and why my parents were not objecting to my late working with a man when he used to be alone. I was confused and could manage an evasive answer only.

After around six months, I started going to his chamber in his court on some days or to the client meetings. I was assisting the senior in while coming back from such meetings or from his Chamber in the Court used to return in his car. For both of us, it was very normal, as not only me but other lawyers also return with him when it matched the timing. He had the system of taking his juniors with him if they were coming together, from the same place.

After some days, I noticed that wife of the senior was watching when we reached the office and her expression was quite aggressive. Though I was not alone and there were two other juniors also getting out of the car. She was looking at me menacingly as if cursing me with her expressions. I chose to ignore it as I had nothing to do with such expressions. And this became so frequent that I told the boss that I was feeling uncomfortable working. I started working out of the office mostly, trying to be in the chamber in the court.

On such a day, when I was in court, there was a call from the office to my residence which my mother picked up. The caller said she was the wife of the solicitor and told me that I should stop coming to the office from the next day. She sent an immediate text message which I could read-only when we were out of the court. The boss was in the chamber and I showed him the message. He was disturbed but told me that he will take action and I need to continue in the office. He told me to ignore the message, but I was shocked and he could realize that logically. I even told him that I may resign with immediate effect and he should consider paying me the full month's salary. I did not go to the office that day in the evening and reached home early. When I was still trying to solve the puzzle of the call, I received a call from the wife of the boss that I should continue to work and ignore the call to my residence which she had made. I could hear the angry voice of the boss saying something in the background. The lady said that she was not well and did not know how she had said such things to my mother in the morning.

After the event, I requested the boss that I should reduce my visits to the office, and if possible, look for another job. While I did not get any alternate job quickly, the boss vacated the office space in his own residential building, and the entire facility was shifted to a newly hired office space in a commercial complex. We expected some peace at the new office. However, that was not to be.

The lady continued her covert operations in harassing me. She started talking to other staff from time to time as if she was practicing yellow journalism.

The lady who never visited the office when it was in the residential building, started visiting the new office quite frequently. She would never come to the office for anything relevant to the office or to meet her husband. Instead, she would come to the market and then come to the office on some pretext or other. Sometime, it would be to have a glass of water; at other times she would say that she had run short of money and ask anyone any amount for doing her purchases. She would always have reasons. Her aggression started affecting the office.

Once a new lady client, a very prospective one was trying to call the boss. Incidentally, she could not get the line through as he was in court. The client unfortunately had the telephone number of the office in residence, which was now installed in the residence only. The client called on that number which was picked up by the wife just. The wife of the boss just refused to convey any message to anyone unless the caller would disclose her purpose of calling and details of the case the client was intending to discuss. The client later came to the office, took her brief, insulted the entire office, and left asking for a refund of the fee paid!

She kept on accelerating her irritating behavior, increasing with every passing day.  I resigned, dejected, sad. The senior solicitor had been in his work for more than 20 years but at that time, his wife had confirmed ideas that her husband was having an affair with each and every girl in the world. The continued irritating interference resulted in the departure of the majority of the staff, even the junior lawyers also left. The lady would sometime call them and ask whether I or any other girl was in the court, or whether the boss was really in the court or somewhere else. She was the wife of a legal professional. And the justice system across the world is the lady justice holding the scales up!

I am nobody to judge about her rights to create disturbances in her family, but she was nobody to create disturbances in my life the way she did. She might had the right to destroy the office of her husband, but did not have the right to victimize others due to her competitive jealousy, the needless competition.

She again made me conscious that I was a subject of feminine flesh to her. She forgot that if a woman is only the piece of flesh, then not only she, her daughter, her mother, every mother, and sister were the same flesh. She forgot that not even me, even her husband was also not a swine, but human being who could respect other humans and not always look at creatures only as men or women.  But she did that, looked around only for men and women possibly. What she did to her own children? Well, it was not my concern. 

Chapter 6

The Women Empowerment NGO

This was a bit different case where the aggressors who posed as rescuers did everything in their power to harass weaker girls whom they sought to empower. Unfortunately, I still possess hatred whenever I recollect their names. The story I heard from a girl, Neelam, meaning blue sapphire, by this NGO

Neelam said to me:

"I do not know why my parents named me  Neelam (blue sapphire) which is a beautiful stone. Probably they could see that being a girl I was destined to become a precious stone only. To be traded, used as decorations, appreciated, only as lifeless beauty. The full circle to end in the soil. But as I grew, I wondered why they give such beautiful names to girls when many of the (so-called) human beings are looking at girls only as flesh. Not the dead meat, but live meat, to be used, reused, and reused.

I qualified SC from a government school, needed to do something urgently as it was sure that if I did not start earning immediately, I would be married off to any boy. The area did not have any offices, and with my qualification and knowledge, I was very clear that I might be getting a job only for textile stitching or a kindergarten or nursery school as an ayah.

Prepared for such jobs, was on the streets for several days and one day found a nondescript office, an NGO which agreed to retain me on a small salary. My purpose was to get something, quantum was immaterial. The NGO staff would visit the neighborhood areas from time to time and its existence was known to many. There were threats and warnings from home and neighbors for a young girl of 17 venturing out for work but I ignored them.

The NGO, being engaged in women and children welfare, espoused some amount of confidence of safety in me and my family. I started by looking after their creche cum learning center where the NGO used to bring small children of up to 6 years to teach them basic hygiene and mixing up with others. They were also introduced to basic language and prepared for admission to nearby government schools. I loved the work as working with children, crying and laughing at the same time, fighting, and making friends together did not allow me to think of anything else when I was with them. It also helped me to remain the kid for some more time.

There was another group of girls, senior and more educated as compared to me, who used to work on other aspects of the office. They started teaching me typing on manual machines and promised help in preparation for HSC through open school education. They also taught me stitching and working on the sewing machines. I was naturally delighted. It was smooth going and a few months passed. The President and Secretary of the NGO were husband and wife and used to visit the branch once in a month and talk to all of us. They were encouraging also.

After around nine months, the president came with a photographer and we were told that the NGO will prepare a report on the working of the center for bidding for new grants and projects. We were asked to continue with our normal work and was told that the photographer will take photos at his will. I kept myself busy with the children, nursing them, playing with them and teaching them as usual but was aware that at times not only the photographer but the President of the NGO were also either on the door or window of the room. Did not understand what they were talking but I was feeling strange, what exactly, I did not understand. I continued my job and the matter was over.

After some more months, I saw a new report with the logo and name of our NGO. It had my photographs working with the children and some write up which was in English and therefore, I did not understand. In a couple of days, one of the senior worker, who had joined after me, called me and asked me whether I was facing problems any more. I was a bit surprised as to why she was asking such question.

During the conversation, I came to know that the magazine of NGO had printed a story on me. The story said that I was being tortured at home and was going to be married to some old person for money. It further said that I sought help from my friends who approached the NGO. They then rescued me and gave me employment, also explained to my family that if they forced marriage on me they would have to face criminal action as I was a minor! I was shocked and told her that there was nothing like that and I had no problem at home like that. I told her that the financial situation was certainly not good in the family forcing me to look for the earnings. I also told her that since I had started earning, the financial condition had improved. I accepted that I would have been married off had I not got the employment, but there was nothing sort of what was in the story.

I knew that if such a story came to know in my family, it would create a big problem for me and the lady said she did not have any knowledge of how and why the story was printed but assured that it was not for the public circulation and will not be shown to anyone in the area. She told me to keep silent and not discuss the same with anyone.

In the next visit of the Secretary and the President, I decided to speak to them about this but both of them said they would talk to me separately and not in front of others.

Once in the room with them, the secretary, the lady, told me that I did not have to worry as the report will not be shown to anyone except to the grantor organizations for taking grants. She said that it had other stories also for the purpose of collection of funds and if they did not do such things they would not be able to pay us salaries. I somehow felt that she was otherwise threatening me that if I wanted the job, I would have to accept such things. Else, she could go to any extent.

After a short talk, she left the room, and the president of the NGO, the husband, started speaking. He started saying that he loved me and my style of taking care of children and started showing my photographs which he and his photographer had taken in their previous visit. It was again shocking and I felt I lost my voice. They had taken photos of me from all possible angles with an advanced camera. Then he told me that he had noticed in the photos that I was wearing unbranded roadside garments and he was ready to buy me all and any clothes from big malls if I accompany him for shopping.

He offered me lunch with shopping and a visit to a movie. He also offered that he could take me out of the station on office work with him and I could earn a good amount of money as per day allowance. He also said if I wanted he could come to this office more frequently and bring good food for me which otherwise was not possible for me to buy. His words left me as if someone had sucked the entire blood from my body. I became almost deaf and dumb.

He finished his talking with a vicious smile on his face and left. And I could see him and his wife exchanging gestures when he was leaving the office.

I was not able to explain what happened that day to anyone. Kept sitting there for some time and then burst into tears. I was poor, was helpless, knew they were powerful, intimidating.

I needed the job and continued with it until I was able to buy a sewing machine of my own to start tailoring services from home. It took another six months. The secretary and president continued coming and every time the president would accost me, and just smile and indicate he was waiting for me to accept his offers. My circumstances did not allow me to protest, or even speak up, but just silently bear with it, isolating myself in a cage."

After listening to the story I could only tell the girl that she needed to fight and be strong. Was not able to help her in any other manner because her protest might have left her without family support. I also could not 

Now it is more than 35 years, and when I think about them, the only thing which I could remember is the fictional stories about the feudal lords and their bonded labor which must have been emanated only from such experience, rather worse experiences. The couple which was working for empowering girls were together at it. For the couple engaged in empowerment, the girls were not human beings, they were just objects, live flesh, to be used, at the discretion of the user.

Chapter 7

The doubting sister in law

My colleague, Prerna, was unmarried like me. Whereas I was unmarried more by choice, she, was more by compulsion. I say 'more', because somewhere, the choice and compulsion went hand in hand. We used to go to each other's houses sometimes on weekends. Her visit to mine was more frequent as I was alone whereas she had her mother, brother, and brother's wife in her flat, a government allotted flat.

On a Sunday evening, Prerna called me and asked whether I can host her for the evening. I asked her to come and have dinner with me, rather bring her dress for the next day also so that we could go to the office together. We had done that couple of times earlier, but this time, her request and hesitation in asking my availability indicated to me that there was something playing in her mind.

She came and I asked her to relax. I prepared tea and some snacks and we sat to talk. What she spoke, saddened me, but yes, relaxed her a bit.

She opened up her mind and tears to me. I give the entire conversation for the reader.

Prerna: You know Gita, I do not know what bad things I had done in my current or past life, but I am tired of what people say payment of 'Karma' of past lives. Sometimes really want to end it.

Me: What happened dear, what is the reason for such thought when all know that you are the one without whom your family, your brother, and sister would have not been able to do anything in life. You are the axis around which the family grew up after the death of your father.

Prerna: But what is the use of saying or knowing what all I had done for my brother and sister. When my father died, I was still not out of college my brother and sister were still in schools. That was almost three-decade ago. The office offered me the job. We had the alternative of either I could do it or my mother could do it. Since my mother was not qualified, she was offered as peon whereas as I was in the university, I was offered the job of clerk and accepted that.

Me: Yes, we are almost of the same cadre, and we were promoted in the same year.

Prerna: Yes Gita, you know almost everything. But when brother was trying for the job after his graduation, he used to say that I had snatched his job opportunity and wanted me to surrender the job in his favor. I might have done that also, but the rules did not allow that and not only he, even mother also wanted me to surrender the job in his favor. They failed to accept that neither the rules were not allowing the same; not that by that time I had moved ahead in my career and after clearing departmental examinations, had been promoted to the next cadre.

Me: Oh, what a weird statement, but how he could say that. He could complete his education only because you financed it. Even while working, you did complete your graduation and post-graduation.

Prerna: Yes Gita, but who cares now when they do not need it now. That was my duty, their right. And now everyone had rights, I do not have any of it.

Me: What is his problem now?

Prerna: His problem is whether he is subsidizing expenses of mother more than me, whether I am saving more than him? The family kitchen and other matters are under the control of the mother. I pay her monthly Rs.15,000 besides buying all medicines and other expenses of the house like electricity, water, telephone, maintenance etc. I have purchased the car from my Car Loan from the office and paying the installment myself while the car is being used mainly by him. Still, he has a problem whether the Rs.10,000 he is giving to mother is actually being spent on household needs. For 2-3  months now, he is demanding the details of expenses. Even his wife also a couple of times had spoken on similar lines, claiming that the mother is getting old and as the married lady of the house, she should be given the responsibility. She is too much proud that she had got married and thinks that my remaining unmarried disqualifies me from being a 'good lady'!

Me: But as lady of the house, you are senior to her and if mother had to give the key, it should be you!

Prerna: No Gita, I do not want it. I am tired of being answerable needlessly.

Me: Yes, I understand.  How she behaves with you?

Prerna: Not much transaction or communication with me. Maintains a safe distance from me. I am also happy. You know, I am nowadays afraid of closeness with relatives.

Me: Why you say that you are afraid?

Prerna: Gita, the bodies of all men have the same characteristics and bodies of all women have the same prime characteristics, I am talking of body parts. But are we only bodies, like dogs and pigs? No, we are individuals, we are human beings. We have our mental faculties with social definitions and ethics. We do not look at other humans just as animals. But there are people who do not value any relationship. For them, the only relationship is of the body to body, nothing else.

And she went into a deep silence. I could see her eye were not moist, they were dry as if the water of the tears had dried up with the intense heat of emotions, the burning feeling of hurt emotions.

After waiting for a few minutes, I said, "Look Prerna, you and me are different from others and for that reason, the majority are happy to play victim game on us. Tell me what happened?'

Prerna: My sister in law raised a question, to which none has any answer.

She again went into a pause, then started again.

Prerna: Can you believe, she asked that even after four years of marriage of my brother, why I still love him so much, is it only the love between brother and sister or something else? And my brother was apologetic to her as if she had the right of a prosecutor to seek the answer!

I was shocked a bit, but in fact, not very surprised.

Prerna continued after a silence of a couple of minutes, : You know Gita, I have just paid the booking amount for a new house and am thinking of asking my brother to shift to that flat after I get the possession. I can stay with and take care of my mother. If he wants, and the mother also wants, then the mother can go with him. I will stay in the Government quarter. 

Me: Prerna, do not commit that mistake. Look, both of them are earning sufficient money and it will be better for you to ask them to shift to their own house. They can take one on rent or purchase one with their joint income, but if you give them your flat, you will be nowhere. You may not get it back in life.

Prerna: But if I ask them to move out of my government quarter, the mother will be hurt, will accuse me and I am sure that even brother will not take care of mother. I do not want mother to get hurt.

Me: So, what you will do?

Prerna: Do not know, but will do something.

We retired for the night that day. The next day, she took the step of that 'something'. She applied for the transfer of jobs to different city.  

It took her six months to get her request to be cleared and leave with her mother. She was transferred to Indore and her brother had to leave the government quarter. Fortunately for Prerna, the flat which she had booked was not ready and therefore, the brother and his wife had no alternative than to look for rented accommodation for themselves.

Prerna was certainly relieved, she got relief from the regular mishaps in the family.

The phone call of Mrs. Khanna reminded me of her statement, all bodies are same, but people forget that as human beings we are not the bodies only, not the flesh, much beyond that. We are human.

Yes, I am a Girl,  Not the Flesh

Chapter 8

Why not an Affair with the Senior

And this happened with me when I was on a deputation in one of the government shops selling premier items to tourists. The company was going through financial crisis and the government decided to inject funds, and for some time I was deputed to manage it when the current management was suspended.

After taking the charge, I visited all the departments spread over three cities, met all departmental heads in all the cities, and created a profile in my mind as per my interactions. I realized that the salespersons were very aggressive, and a class unto themselves. They operated in group and looked down to all other staff. Their aggressiveness and unwillingness to share information led me to believe that they, at least some of them, might not have been acting in the best interest of the company. Later, my inquiries revealed that my apprehension was correct. They used to be in touch with private players in the market and serve some of the visiting customers in their hotels from goods taken from such private shops.  Those and other things apart, some of the persons started having a sharp conflict with me as I introduced strict timely reporting of attendance, sales, expenses, etc. In that reporting, I was dealing directly with the cash and accounts cells of all the stores. I ensured that staff posting was revisited and did that on the basis of my information and judgment.

The reports from particular outlets were not satisfactory and the in-charge there, a girl, started reporting missing items and delayed deposit of sales proceeds. I spoke to her and called the sales and marketing staff. I found that on the one hand, they were blaming the cash staff saying that cash staff would leave office even when the customers were there and they had to carry the sales proceeds with them, on the other hand, the cash staff refuted the claim.

A new type of blame started pouring in quickly. The salespersons started saying that the girl in charge of the cash counter was having an affair with an employee of a rival store and will never wait for the closure of the showroom, she would leave the showroom number of times to meet her boyfriend during the day, pass on the information and thereby causing the loss to the company. On getting the reports, I deputed the security apparatus to furnish a report and found that such statements were not correct. However, the close circuit camera captures reported movements where the girl had resented their forced entry to the cash/accounts section. I set some moles inside and got the information that the salesperson was forcing himself on this girl and was being rebuked on a regular basis. The girl did not complain to anyone but was confident in her behavior and stood to her grounds.

The frequency and force of the demand for her removal became very frequent. One day, the consultant director, who had been one of the former executives of the company came to me with the same request. I asked him the reason, and he said, the girl is having affair with an employee of a competitor and the salespersons doubt her integrity, it would be in the interest of the company to remove her.

I told him, "I have information that at least three of the salespersons in the company out of the total strength of fifteen at least three are married to the staff of competitors, do you want me to take action against all these persons because they might be passing out the information to competitors? Secondly, note it that the objection is not because the girl is having this 'so-called' affair, but the objection is because the girl is continuously refusing to enter into 'affair' with the salesperson."

The consultant left the office without requesting it second time.

Chapter 9

When Reena joined my department, she had already around 10 years of experience in the same office. She was around 35 and quite younger to me. I was around 55 at that time, and quite senior. She was a reasonably good staff, attentive to the job but was not social. She always kept her isolated in the office and did not mix with anyone unless needed. One day, she came to my cabin in the afternoon stone-faced, expressionless. She sunk into the chair. I asked her, what is the matter. Her eyes betrayed her face and she started crying. She had just received a call about the death of her father and I was the first person she was informing the same. Her younger sister had informed her about the death after a prolonged illness where he was bedridden for about three months. 

Reena was already working with me for more than six months and had not taken any holidays. I asked her whether she had seen her father lately. 

Her reply was not pleasant. She had not seen her father for more than five years. And then what she told me, it shocked me further.

What Reena told me, it was again, The Girl is the Flesh story, as viewed by the sister's husband. Her husband told her in plain words sometimes after a marriage that he was very much willing to visit her parents but had started liking her sister and wanted his wife to ask Reena to be with him alone. Reena decided not to go to parents' house only to avoid such kind of demand as reasoning with the husband was as good as knocking her head on the wall.

Chapter 11

The recollection of the case of Reena also reminded me of another one, this time one of my relatives. The boy was the case of late marriage. His marriage was arranged through some relatives. The boy, says Ashok, was a brilliant student, almost addicted to studies, especially when it came to mathematics and science. Though his wife was a post-graduate in humanities, her qualifications were in the category of character where you get qualification because you have nothing to do and no excuses to get out of the house, so you get enrolled in some courses, appear and ensure that you pass the examinations but do not try ever to remember what you have studied.

The sister of the wife was, conversely, a studious one when she came to her sister's place and came to know the library of knowledge and also books with her brother in law, she expressed asked her brother-in-law whether he can help in her studies if required. The brother in law agreed. The conversation reached the ears of the wife of the boy and all hell broke down. She forwarded all sorts of arguments why her husband should not help her sister in any sort of studies, made all sorts of comments, and her sister left the house early morning on the next day. The boy tried to reason out with his wife that she was getting an angry unjustified manner, but was hit with a reply. "Oh, I know all men like you are only eyeing your sisters in law, and I know my sister, once you enact as if you know her subject, she will start surrendering before you and then you two will do everything and I will be let out."

This episode had another repercussion. a couple of close relatives used to send their daughters studying in higher secondary school to the boy for help in studies. They stopped on hearing the reaction and comments of the wife. The wife was not able to see her own sister like a sister, as a human being. She saw only the flesh in her sister and male flesh in her husband.

Chapter 12

The Closure

My concern is in putting down the stories above is an attempt if it can prick the conscience of a few readers about raising the voice on the cases of harassment. At times, we ourselves engage in harassing others only because we are in a position of doing that. It starts with street children kicking a small dog only to hear its cries. It is the same psychology where we think that our better physical built or owning firearms entitles us to be rude on the road and kill or beat up anyone on the road because the other persons do not give us space to overtake, even if he does not have any.

Had read a story decades back, where the male child, not even in his teens, in a male chauvinistic family was asked by a relative that her mother was going to bring another child, whether he would like to have a brother or a sister. The small kid had replied, "Oh, I want only a brother. Girls are useless, They become a mother even if you touch them. I will not be able to play with a girl, I want only a brother."

A strange mix of complex, I cannot say whether it is a superiority complex or inferiority complex or a mix of the two is injected in the child. It is the psychology where a wife thinks that if the husband has female colleagues, the colleagues must be competing with the wife. Where when a female colleague sends chocolate for the children on their birthday, the wife calls on the office to tell the female staff that if they wanted to give anything to the small kids, they should give to her, the mother, and not the father. Such a suggestion emanates from the thoughts that the female colleagues might capture the husband by trying to impress that they care for the kids!!

It is the same psychology where a newly married girl might get apprehensive of sister and mother of her husband whether they (because they are also girls) are taking a major share of time. The wife needlessly gets into a competition mode as to how she could snatch her husband from all other relatives. It is the same sense of insecurity where a newly married man does not want his wife to visit her maternal home thinking whether she had any pre-marriage friendship or her brothers are more important than him. It is insecurity within colleagues where they compete needlessly to prove that one is more important in the office than another.

I will deem my attempt as successful if only one reader at any given point of time decides to change his views towards the society.