I AM A GIRL, NOT THE FLESH - PART 8

 I AM A GIRL, NOT THE FLESH - PART 8

Prerna, and the shock

My colleague, Prerna, was a single woman like me. We frequently used to visit each other's house, sometimes on weekends. Her visit to the mine was more frequent as I was alone, whereas she had her mother, brother and sister-in-law staying with her in the government-allocated flat.

 On a Sunday evening, Prerna called me and asked whether I could host her for the evening. I asked her to come over and have dinner with me, rather than bring her dress for the next day, also so that we could go to the office together. We had done that a couple of times earlier. There was something in her voice on the phone this time that I felt concerned for her. Her request and hesitation in asking my availability indicated to me that there was something wrong, some burden she was going to carry to my place, possibly some complication which she was not able to shake off on her own.

 She came, and I asked her to relax. I prepared tea and some snacks, and we sat to talk. What she spoke, saddened me, but yes, relaxed her a bit. She opened up her mind and tears in front of me. I give the entire conversation to the reader.

Prerna: You know, Gita, I do not know what bad things I have done in my current or past life, but I am tired of what people tell me about the redemption of 'Karma' of past lives. Sometimes really want to end my current life. It is enough for me.

 Me: What happened, dear? What is the reason for such a thought? You have been the flag bearer of your family. Without you, your family, your brother and your sister would have been nowhere after the death of your father.

Prerna: Yes, but what is the use of saying or knowing what all I had done for my brother and sister? When my father died, I was still not out of University. It was my last year, and my final exams were due. Brother and sister were still in school. That was almost three decades ago. The office offered me the job. We had the alternative of either I could do it or my mother could do it. Since my mother was not qualified, and it would have been very difficult for her to come out and work, the decision for me to take that compensatory job was the best we could take at that time. I was in my final year of university. When I was offered the job of a clerk and accepted that, and shifted to Open University for further studies much later.

Me: Yes, we are almost of the same cadre, and we were promoted in the same year.

Prerna: Yes, Gita, you know almost everything. But you do not know something taking place at my home. When my brother was trying for the job after his graduation, he used to say that I had snatched his job opportunity and wanted me to surrender the job in his favour. I might have done that also, but the rules did not allow that. The sad part is that not only he, even my mother wanted me to surrender the job in his favour. They thought that if I asked my office to replace me with my brother, they could do it, as it is only the son who carries the rights to anything belonging to his father. They were mad at me, but I was in no position to help them in their desire. It was utter nonsense, beyond my attempts to make them understand. 

Me: Oh, what a weird statement, but how could he say that? He did complete his education only because you financed it. Even while working, you completed your graduation and post-graduation on your own.

Prerna: Yes, it is beyond logic, still, they failed to accept that the rules did not allow the same. Besides, by that time, I had moved ahead in my career and, after clearing departmental examinations, had been promoted to the next cadre. I had also completed the Master's, rather two of them. But who cares when they do not need it now? What I did was my duty and their right. And the circle continues; it is always like that. They have the rights, and I have the duties. The equation stays like that. 

Me: What is his problem now? He is working, and his wife is also working. Together, they might be earning more than you!

Prerna: His problem is whether he is subsidising the expenses of his mother more than me, whether I am saving more than him? The family kitchen and other matters are under the control of the mother. I pay her monthly Rs.. 15,000 besides buying all medicines and other expenses of the house like electricity, water, telephone, maintenance etc. I have purchased the car from my Car Loan from the office, and paying the instalment myself while the car is being used mainly by him. Still, he has a problem with whether the Rs.. 10,000 he is giving to his mother is actually being spent on household needs. For 2-3 months now, he has been asking his mother for details of expenses. Even his wife spoke a couple of times on similar lines, claiming that the mother is getting old and as the married lady of the house, she should be given the responsibility of managing the funds for monthly expenses. She is too proud that she has married and thinks that my remaining unmarried disqualifies me from being a 'good lady'!

Me: But you are senior to her, to your brother. If it is not your mother, then it should be you who will manage the household expenses, and he needs to contribute. Why should you give the charge to her? And the house itself is yours! It is your official accommodation, not theirs.

Prerna: No Gita, I do not want it. I am tired of being answerable needlessly.

Me: Yes, I understand. How does she behave with you?

Prerna: I do not have much communication with her. She maintains a safe distance from me. I also want to keep my distance and be happy with myself. You know, I am nowadays afraid of closeness with relatives.

Me: Why do you say that you are afraid?

Prerna: Gita, the bodies of all men have the same characteristics and the bodies of all women have the same prime characteristics. I am talking about body parts. But are we only bodies, like dogs and pigs? No, we are individuals, we are human. We have our mental faculties with social definitions and ethics. We do not look at other humans just as animals. But there are people who do not value any relationship. For them, the only relationship a body can have with another body is flesh to flesh, nothing else.

And she went into a deep silence. I could see her eyes were not moist, they were dry as if the water in the eyes have evaporated with the heat of hurt which her heart has suffered, with the fire which was possibly raging in her mind. The intense heat of emotions was radiating from her. 

I left her alone for some time and brought another round of coffee.

After waiting for a few minutes, I said, "Look, Prerna, you and I are different from others, and for that reason, the majority are happy to play the victim game on us. Tell me what happened?'

Prerna: My sister in law raised a question, to which none has any answer?

She again went into a pause, then started again.

Prerna: Can you believe, she asked, that even after four years of marriage to my brother, I still love him so much. Is it only the love between brother and sister or something else? And my brother was apologetic to her as if she was exercising the rights of a prosecutor against an accused!

I was shocked a bit, but in fact, not very surprised.

Prerna continued after a silence of a couple of minutes: "You know Gita, I have just paid the booking amount for a new house and am thinking of asking my brother to shift to that flat after I get the possession. I can stay with and take care of my mother. If he wants, and his mother also wants, then the mother can go with him. I will stay in the Government quarter alone. At least, we will have peace with me."

Me: Prerna, do not commit that mistake. Look, both of them are earning sufficient money, and it will be better for you to ask them to shift to their own house. They can take one on rent or purchase one with their joint income, but if you give them your flat, you will be nowhere. You may not get it back in your life.

Prerna: But if I ask them to move out of my government quarter, the mother will not like it. She is a die-hard son lover. She will start accusing me, and I am sure that even my brother will not take care of my mother. I do not want my mother to get hurt.

Me: So, what will you do?

Prerna: Do not know, but will do something.

Me: Why don't you shift to some other city? We have offices in some of the Tier 2 cities, and there are good openings there.

We retired for the night that day. The next day, she took the step of that 'something'. She applied for a transfer of job to a different city.

It took her six months to get her request for transfer to be cleared. She was transferred to Indore, and her brother had to leave the government quarter. Fortunately for Prerna, the flat which she had booked was not ready, and therefore, the brother and his wife had no alternative but to look for rented accommodation for themselves. She left for Indore with her mother, withdrew the deposit she had paid for the flat and purchased a house in Indore.

Prerna was certainly relieved; she got relief from the regular mishaps in the family. Her mother was not happy initially about leaving her son, but when the son himself shrugged off the responsibility, the mother did not have any alternative.

***

Part 9 is coming shortly. Wait for it a bit.