Was watching my daughter waving to me at the departure gate. She was going to the UK for studies, taking her first, yes first flight since her birth. As she vanished behind the colored glass doors of the airport security, my mind took me back to the first flight which she had with me, still inside me.
Yes, it is almost 19 years now, that day still comes alive in front of me like a video. The aircraft had started descending, routine announcements were there. Going to land at Abu Dhabi, It was going to be a wait of 10 hours for me, not only me, but also my child, unseen, but only felt by me. Yes, the child was inside me, feeling me and making me feel him. A long haul flight, Manila to Abu Dhabi, then to Johannesburg. Going back, after three years, empty-handed.
I had left my home three years ago on a contract of employment. A well-established family in the neighborhood promised me a good job, salary, stay and return to home town every year. And I was returning, after three years. What I thought I would get I did not. However, there was a savior, who, gave me a company, love, affection, and finally, a family.
I was woken up from my open thoughts by the movement of the passengers. Everyone was de-boarding and I had to follow them. Big, massive airport, can get lost anywhere. Approached the on-ground staff, showed them the documents. They guided me to a bay, said, I would have to wait for 7 hours before the announcement of my flight was made. Waiting inside the airport. It was going to be a long wait. I was not feeling good, thinking about my recent past, and the emptiness of the immediate future. I was feeling fully destroyed.
My husband was very happy when I told him I was a mother to his child. after a couple of days, he got orders from his employer to go to an official tour for a week. I saw him off to his office bus, we hugged each other, and did not know it was the last hug. The next day, when I was waiting for a call from him, just saw his photo on television. Yes, it was him. He had become news, being shot during a hold up in his office. He was lost, lost in this cruel world. The baby was now six months inside me. I had to carry the baby. So, had to decide that would have to go back. Sold everything I could, exhausted my savings, whatever I had, and purchased my ticket.
I went near the departure gate and sat on the floor, on the carpet with resting my back on the wall. I was driven literally with my back on the wall. Just looking back at my life I slept for some time. might be a couple of hours. The time for the departure was still far away. By now, whatever I ate in the previous flight was already digested and I was feeling hungry. I walked to the nearest eatery inside the airport, checked my pockets, and that I would have to do without anything. I went back to my place on the carpet, just trying to see around to forget my hunger. But I was not alone, my child was inside and war reminding me that I was hungry. I tried to speak to the child, telling, hey, wait for some more time, your mother will board the aircraft and will get the food. wait till them. I was feeling dizzy and knew that I would have to sustain in any manner until I board the aircraft. I started feeling like I would die with hunger. I was very weak already, deprived of any care for the one month after the death of my husband. Did not have the nutrition which was needed. It was becoming almost impossible. As if everything around me was getting dark. I thought I was dying.
'Hello, Hello, are you from South Africa?' A female voice in my own language jolted me from my darkness. I said yes, but I do not know you. She said I have seen you waiting here for the last five hours and not eating anything. I understand you are pregnant, you must be feeling hungry. I do not remember whether I said yes or no, but the young girl put her hands on my shoulder and said, wait, do not go anywhere, and left. I, not having any energy to think or to go anywhere, just kept sitting at the place, closed my eyes again, and tried to speak to my child, "Please wait, please wait for some more time, the flight will be here, I will get something to eat". An eternity passed, that voice again, yes, the girl had come back. She went outside the airport. She was a cleaner, did not have much money to buy food inside the airport. So she went out, purchased food, packed it in her lunch box, and came to give it to me, food and water. I was dumb, not able to thank her, not able to speak. I told her that I did not have money. She just smiled, took a plate, put the food on it, put in on my lap, gave the spoon to me, asked me to drink some water first from her bottle, and I got into my senses. Could feel the smell of the food, feel the hunger, feel the food. Yes, I ate it, she was watching me eat. But after a while, I could not see her, she had left, unseen, unthanked, unspoken. After finishing the food, I got up, got the energy, disposed of the plate, and waste in the dust bin, looked around if I could find her. She was nowhere. I realized, the moment when I was totally deserted, defeated, I felt God has saved me. I felt I saw the invisible.
Yes, it is almost 19 years now, that day still comes alive in front of me like a video. The aircraft had started descending, routine announcements were there. Going to land at Abu Dhabi, It was going to be a wait of 10 hours for me, not only me, but also my child, unseen, but only felt by me. Yes, the child was inside me, feeling me and making me feel him. A long haul flight, Manila to Abu Dhabi, then to Johannesburg. Going back, after three years, empty-handed.
I had left my home three years ago on a contract of employment. A well-established family in the neighborhood promised me a good job, salary, stay and return to home town every year. And I was returning, after three years. What I thought I would get I did not. However, there was a savior, who, gave me a company, love, affection, and finally, a family.
I was woken up from my open thoughts by the movement of the passengers. Everyone was de-boarding and I had to follow them. Big, massive airport, can get lost anywhere. Approached the on-ground staff, showed them the documents. They guided me to a bay, said, I would have to wait for 7 hours before the announcement of my flight was made. Waiting inside the airport. It was going to be a long wait. I was not feeling good, thinking about my recent past, and the emptiness of the immediate future. I was feeling fully destroyed.
My husband was very happy when I told him I was a mother to his child. after a couple of days, he got orders from his employer to go to an official tour for a week. I saw him off to his office bus, we hugged each other, and did not know it was the last hug. The next day, when I was waiting for a call from him, just saw his photo on television. Yes, it was him. He had become news, being shot during a hold up in his office. He was lost, lost in this cruel world. The baby was now six months inside me. I had to carry the baby. So, had to decide that would have to go back. Sold everything I could, exhausted my savings, whatever I had, and purchased my ticket.
I went near the departure gate and sat on the floor, on the carpet with resting my back on the wall. I was driven literally with my back on the wall. Just looking back at my life I slept for some time. might be a couple of hours. The time for the departure was still far away. By now, whatever I ate in the previous flight was already digested and I was feeling hungry. I walked to the nearest eatery inside the airport, checked my pockets, and that I would have to do without anything. I went back to my place on the carpet, just trying to see around to forget my hunger. But I was not alone, my child was inside and war reminding me that I was hungry. I tried to speak to the child, telling, hey, wait for some more time, your mother will board the aircraft and will get the food. wait till them. I was feeling dizzy and knew that I would have to sustain in any manner until I board the aircraft. I started feeling like I would die with hunger. I was very weak already, deprived of any care for the one month after the death of my husband. Did not have the nutrition which was needed. It was becoming almost impossible. As if everything around me was getting dark. I thought I was dying.
'Hello, Hello, are you from South Africa?' A female voice in my own language jolted me from my darkness. I said yes, but I do not know you. She said I have seen you waiting here for the last five hours and not eating anything. I understand you are pregnant, you must be feeling hungry. I do not remember whether I said yes or no, but the young girl put her hands on my shoulder and said, wait, do not go anywhere, and left. I, not having any energy to think or to go anywhere, just kept sitting at the place, closed my eyes again, and tried to speak to my child, "Please wait, please wait for some more time, the flight will be here, I will get something to eat". An eternity passed, that voice again, yes, the girl had come back. She went outside the airport. She was a cleaner, did not have much money to buy food inside the airport. So she went out, purchased food, packed it in her lunch box, and came to give it to me, food and water. I was dumb, not able to thank her, not able to speak. I told her that I did not have money. She just smiled, took a plate, put the food on it, put in on my lap, gave the spoon to me, asked me to drink some water first from her bottle, and I got into my senses. Could feel the smell of the food, feel the hunger, feel the food. Yes, I ate it, she was watching me eat. But after a while, I could not see her, she had left, unseen, unthanked, unspoken. After finishing the food, I got up, got the energy, disposed of the plate, and waste in the dust bin, looked around if I could find her. She was nowhere. I realized, the moment when I was totally deserted, defeated, I felt God has saved me. I felt I saw the invisible.
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