I Am A Girl, Not The Flesh Part 11

 I Am A Girl, Not The Flesh Part 11

A Life In Dowry

It was a Thursday. Ayesha had left after lunch for her work at other homes, to be back after 5'o clock only. It was fifteen days since Gita received that disgusting call from Mrs Khanna, which shook her, reminding her of multiple incidents which had taken place with her or with others. 

She flipped the pages of the notebook, which had been lying with her for more than a decade, untouched, but filled more than half of it in the last fifteen days. Today her eyes got glued to the first page, where the person buying the notebook wrote for her. "I may not be qualified, still, in all my sincerity, I can always say that I care for you. You are a warehouse of emotions, successfully hiding them in layers of racks, locked in your locker. I muster the courage to ask, please empty your emotions on these pages, and let them be blown over. Let the emotions fly like migratory birds; do not cage them in your burdened mind. You are the kindest person I ever met, you should be the happiest person anyone can ever meet." Gita could still decipher the signature, Sudeshna.

"Yes, it was Sudeshna who wrote these words. It has been around 18 years since I met her. And around 6 years ago got the message of her death. A life that was eaten by the termites imported into the family."

Gita travelled in her time machine, 18 years back.

I was the section officer in a section in the Ministry of Railways headquarters when Sudeshna joined the section after being transferred from another one. She came in after getting promoted. 

When Sudeshna joined my department, she already had around 8 years of experience in the Ministry. She was around 30 and younger to me. She was a reasonably good staff member, attentive to the job, but was not social. She always kept herself isolated in the office. She did not speak to anyone, did not mix with anyone unless needed.

 One day, she came to my cabin in the afternoon, stone-faced, expressionless. She sank into the chair.

"Yes, Sudeshna, what is the matter? Something seems to be wrong?"

Her eyes betrayed her face, and she started crying.

"Yes, madam, my sister called just now. My father expired today morning. I will have to go." Sudeshna spoke with choked emotions.

"Oh, so sad. You must go at the earliest. Will you go alone, or do you have some relatives here? Where was he staying?"

I knew Sudeshna was not married and she belonged to Kerala, but I did not have any further information. 

"Yes, Madam, I will go alone. I request you to give me leave for at least 15 days so that I can attend to all rituals."

"Why not Sudeshna? I know your leaves are due to you. You give the application to me, and I will sanction the leave just now. Tell me how you will go? And tell me whether you need any further help?"

"Thanks, Madam, I will try to book a train ticket. Will have to see which ticket I can get at the earliest. I do not think that I need anything just now, but if I need something, I will tell you."

"Why don't you take a flight. Train tickets are not that easy, and besides, the train will take 40 or more hours. You can take a flight to Cochin, and from there you can take some local transport."

"Yes, it did not strike me. I can go to Cochin. I can reach there in less than 5 hours, and then it will take me another 2 hours to reach the village."

"That will be a perfect way. I know an agent who books tickets for the office, will call you just now, and he will give you the ticket for the flight which you  want."

"Sudeshna, when did you have visit your parents the last time?"

"Maybe five years ago, or even more. I do not go there normally." Her pain was visible, and I did not want to poke her more at that point. I contacted the travel agent, who instantly booked the ticket for her that night itself, and she went to attend to the last rites of her father.

She came back sooner. She did not stay the 15 days, but came back after the 13th day and called me. During that conversation, I called her to my house, also to comfort her a bit. I could sense that she was suffering from burn injuries inside; her soul was burning with something, and she needed an outlet for the smoke and fire to leave her and provide her with an opportunity to cool down.

Rest, the story is of how she was intended to be utilised and the family had to watch in silence, in extreme patience, only in the name of the false sense of maintaining the family honour.

Since she was staying alone in rented accommodation, I asked her to come over to my house for lunch on a holiday. I chose lunch as we would have had sufficient time to know each other, and I could have helped her too. 

Before she arrived at my house, I had already completed most of the cooking. We sat over a cup of tea and cookies and had around an hour before lunchtime. She was in an informal dress and looked a bit relaxed with me as compared to all our meetings in the office. She also looked tired, and that was understandable. The loss of my father was an irreparable loss for me, which I suffered in the early period of my service. I could certainly relate to her in that sense. She also appeared to have recovered to some extent from the shock, or was trying to manage the shock; whichever way we look at it, it remains the same.

I started the discussion, asking her to tell me something about herself. She gave a brief about her educational background, a reasonably good student who could qualify for the Staff Selection Commission examination on the first attempt and also go for promotions in the job. Her family was of four persons, two sisters and her parents. She had grown up with her grandmother, who died when Sudeshna was in college. 

I too told her something about me. She asked me a direct question, "Madam, I have heard that you are unmarried, is it true?"

"Yes, it is true. I am past the age when girls can look for a husband. What about you? What are your thoughts? This is high time for you to get married."

"I know, but before I answer your question, please allow me to ask something?"

"...?"

"Please tell me, how is your life? Do you have any regrets for not marrying?"

"Sudeshna, not many people ask this question to a girl or even a boy, for that matte,r about whether there are any regrets for not marrying. Mostly, people in our society are always judgmental; they either express pity or contempt."

"That is true, Madam, so far everyone is asking me about why I am not married yet. But, today, I want your answer."

I smiled, "No, I do not have any regrets. My life is fine, and I have to acknowledge that I am better than many of my batchmates or relatives of my age. Yes, there comes the need to share, and with time, you can be strong enough to share your thoughts, views and everything with yourself only. Currently, my best friend is myself, and you will not believe, most of the time when I sit for my morning or evening tea, I prepare two cups, let Gita share the tea with Roy."

"Haha," Sudeshna responded with a hearty laugh." That is very nice, Madam. And I confess, Madam, I think I have laughed after many months."

"Sudeshna, one thing I tell you, from now on, you may call me Gita Ji, or just Didi in person. Let the Madam be reserved for the office for sure. What do you say?"

"The Didi is better. And I don't have to be afraid of you personally. So far, official positions are concerned, I do not fear any because I know my job and can learn more." Her smiles of the previous sentence faded and were replaced by the straight face presentation, which she normally carried with her to the office. 

"There can't be anything to fear. But why do you say like this?"

"Ah, leave that. It is just an expression, nothing material."

She said that her elder sister was married when Sudheshna was 19. Her brother-in-law belonged to a small town in Coimbatore. Sister went to Coimbatore after marriage, but the conditions there were too bad. Brother-in-law was said to be working in a private company, but after marriage, he informed everyone that he lost his job as the company was closed. Then he came over to Sudeshna's house, and a portion of the house was segregated as a separate unit. Sudeshna's Father had good business, with his orchard, trade and fisheries. The brother-in-law started participating in all commercial dealings.

"I was initially happy that my sister was back in the family. Though her staying in the parental house after marriage was a matter of discussion in the neighbourhood. I did not consider it important. My brother-in-law got involved in the business of my father who had more than one operation, though all around the house only.

"It is only later that I understood that it was a deal on the part of the family of my brother-in-law to claim the share of the property immediately; this was their ploy to implant him in this house. He used to behave very nicely with me. Over time, my sister became pregnant, and by that time, I was already in the last stage of my graduation. I had a job and had started preparing for competitive examinations."

"Did your parents object to your desire to get a job?"

"No, it did not reach that stage. My mother died two years after the marriage of my sister. By that time, I had completed my graduation. My father suffered a mental shock, and for month,s he was unable to come out of it. During that time, the brother-in-law took over the entire business. Sister became the lady of the house, though we continued to have two kitchens, one for me and father, the other for them."

"At that stage, one day, when I was busy with my studies, my brother-in-law came and started praising me for my love for books and studies, the way of my cooking, and also my body, face, and everything. His presence became very irritating, and I told him to leave my room and go to his wife."

"He was adamant and started pressuring me for physical relations. He stated that he wanted me more than my sister."

"I spoke to my sister, but she started blaming me only. She said that I had refused one marriage proposal brought by him, and he had started thinking that I was interested in him. Sister also said that I might destroy her married life. Sister blamed me because during the marriage ceremony, I was very informal with the new brother-in-law, and that was taken as a lead."

"I spoke to my father, but he had been rendered helpless by evil designs. Brother-in-law had already transferred the business and all commercial activities in his name from my father. Only the residential house was remaining, as it was still in the name of the grandparents."

"I could understand well that I was persona non grata in my house. And that was without any action or inaction, without any fault on my part. I was not a daughter nor a sister anymore. I was a girl with a female body, female organs, and an irritant in pursuit of property. The only person who felt sorry at that time was my father. And I, too, felt for him but was angry that he did not take a principled stand. If he wanted to save the marriage of his elder daughter, I am also his daughter. But it had happened."

"Sudeshna, so you left your house and came here."

"I did not leave the house instantly, but started protesting the physical advances of my brother-in-law. He once said that the dowry which he expected on marriage was not fulfilled, but he will forego the expectation if he gets me as dowry. He wanted a life in dowry."

"Oh my God, wife's sister in dowry! It is unthinkable. How can people raise such demands?"

"It is unthinkable, but it is a saying that facts are stranger than fiction. It is unpardonable, and I will not be able to forgive. By the way, fortunately for me, I got the job offer and came here. I did not visit that house for long. But I am happy that one of my steps saved my father from being thrown out of that house."

"Your step, what is it?"

"When I came to Delhi, I informed my father only and asked her not to tell my sister or brother-in-law. In the evening before leaving, my father was very emotional, and he showed me the documents for the house. I could easily understand that he might not be able to save the house for long, as my sister also knew the documents. I picked the documents without telling him or anyone and packed them in my luggage. I was afraid that if my brother-in-law comes to know that I am leaving for Delhi, then he might prevent me physically or even search my luggage. I did not inform them and just left the house on my own; only the father knew that I was leaving."

"So, the documents are still with you?"

"Yes, they are with me, and after coming here, I informed them that they are with me. I am not going to hand over the documents to them. I told you, I had become a persona non grata. So I have no reason to remain attached to them or the property there. When the parents have left, and for those who are living, I am not the sister but a girl restraining them in their enjoyment of the body to brother-in-law and of property to both, then I do not have any reason to keep myself attached. I may not go there, but they should always feel the pinch because it will never be easy for them to put their names on the property documents. I know they can do it, but not before years, and that wait will be the price they will be paying."

"It is true, Sudeshna, life is temporary; similarly, wealth and property are also temporary. To maintain peace of mind is the first and foremost requirement; build your own personality. You will get something more. And I tell you, there is a statement -forget and forgive, but I do not act upon that. My mission is- you may forgive for the time being, but never forget. because once you forget, you get stabbed by the same weapon."

"That is a very nice statement, Didi, and tell you I get such straight jacket statements from you in the office also."

After that day, I used to call Sudeshna at least once a month to my place, and we shared a relationship beyond the office. We continued in the same department for around three years, and in the same ministry for another year. After that, she left the city, moved for a higher post and with both getting busy, our contact reduced over time. 

The day I left the ministry, Sudeshna gave me the gift of the diary as a parting gift. And the statement echoed for her also, Let the Emotions fly like migratory birds, let not cage them. 

The irony, however, The Migratory birds do come back and revisit the places each year.  

*****

The Part 12 is here too, just wait for jiffy friends